The Allergic Foodie Rap

The Allergic Food Rap

 

See those  girls at the bar banning gluten to look fit?

They’ve got no clue how rye and wheat make a celiac sick.

They sip their Skinny Girl martinis and Omission beer,

Feeling like Gwyneth Paltrow when it was cool to be her.

Even Dr. Oz can’t decide if gluten-free is good or bad,

But smart chefs sure know how to profit on a fad.

Every corner restaurant got wheat-free spaghetti,

Even the waiters say no bread’s made them skinny.

“Well good for you,” An Allergic Foodie wanna say,

“I haven’t lost a pound since eating this way.”

Neither can the girl eat dairy, corn and soy–all make her sick.

Ah, yes dude, take out your pen and pad–this isn’t a trick.

This girl’s diet has nothing to do with the media craze,

For most, this gluten-free thing is just another phase.

But after the gluten-free menus are long gone,

A.F.’s need for A.F. food will still be goin’ strong.

So treat her right–don’t give that girl food without checking

That nothing she eats will be a reaction in the making.

Your tip will reflect the attention you’ve given,

To make sure that girl leaves your restaurant livin’.

But see those girls at the bar skippin’ the crackers?

They don’t get how for celiacs gluten-free matters.

At the end a meal, celiacs will pass on the cake.

But NOT  the girls at the bar cuz their GF diets are fake.

(C) Amy E. Tracy

The Allergic Foodie Rap originally appeared on Adventures of an Allergic Foodie.

Breaking Up with Dr. Oz

Breaking Up with Dr. Oz

Dear Dr. Oz,

After thousands of afternoon dates, it’s time for us to go our separate ways.

You have lost my respect.

Like Dorothy who discovers the wizard is a fake, I have discovered you, Dr. Oz, are not the wizard of medicine you claim to be.

YOU CALLED A GLUTEN-FREE DIET A SCAM ON NATIONAL TV!  Millions and millions of people heard you! Including a few of my family members who think my celiac disease is all in my head. Thanks, Dr. Oz.

The audience even started cheering as if to say, “I knew all those gluten naysayers were idiots! Give me a slice of pizza now!”  Yes, you tried to cover up your error by saying “there are a lot of folks who have big time problem with gluten so I don’t have a problem with people who don’t like eating gluten foods…”

Don’t LIKE eating gluten foods! Huh?  I would LOVE to eat gluten foods–it’s my body that won’t let me!  Coincidentally I got “glutened” at a restaurant last night. Imagine a brick making its way through your digestive system. Today, I tried to run some errands, but I was so lethargic I was afraid to drive. It will be at least a week until I feel normal again.

This, Dr. Oz, is what living with CELIAC DISEASE is like. It is not a scam. Is is not BS. And when people hear a doctor call a gluten-free diet a scam, you hurt people like me and my son and the one in 133 of us with celiac disease. Not to mention the thousands and thousands of others with non-celiac gluten sensitivity.

That is why I am breaking up with you, Dr. Oz.

Don’t even think of sending me flowers.

Breaking Up with Dr. Oz” originally appeared at Adventures of An Allergic Foodie.